Sunflowers

There comes this vision in my mind tonight as I meditated quietly. I saw a sunflower a whole field of them or so it seemed all staring up adoringly at the sun. Back and forth they swayed in their glorious vision of the sun. But pull back on the image and suddenly you see that it is only the bright  light of the television screen shining down false light into them and as you watch you will this ice melting off of them as they slowly died . Lacking love and light they grew cold. You will that Ice gone and it is and suddenly all these beautiful flowers are suddenly free and incredibly beautiful feeling the real warmth of the sun upon their petals.

 Those sunflowers are human beings held in a hypnotic gaze,animals also enslaved by an life of slavery. All beings need love and light. They all need warmth to grow and spread their wings. They all need love to fill their leaves with life.They follow the sun as if it were a god itself. But that is all illusion.

We are the lights. The indigo children of the prophecy foretold upon the tongues of nations that abound upon the whole of this earth. We bring the warmth and the love. The compassionate spirits that are fully unfurled and basking in the glow of truth and beautiful feelings of forgiveness wash over us. We carry this and share it freely from inside the very depths of the unknown. We can see truly and know when there are those awakening. We can witness it as the beauty that can only shine from a soul free from lies and fear.

                                     

We are those that have walked the earth so many times that our feet are worn from the earth which we walk upon. The skin of the earth mother frays and tears and yet holds on with strength. She holds on knowing that there are those that can see her pain. There are those that can hear her cries of pain and cannot be ignored. There is only love and light. This is the truth of our existence.

We follow the path of peace. Harming none as we travel.  We follow the path of truth and share it where we go and there is a light in our footsteps as we approach. We travel with universal love  gathered in our hands. We let this go as we walk among those that are harmed and ravaged by the things that are done to them.We bring them to the truth and that is through us you now see truly.

                         

    Freedom is at hand. We are not alone. We love unwaveringly. We speak truth and honesty.

Coming Home

Reading this all of it resonates with myself and my partner. But where we differ is in how we were raised. My partner was raised by a very loving mom and step-dad in comparison. They were caring and kind but had little patience but they did not understand him they did support and love him.

What I am writing is in no way a call for pity but a simple fact. I feel I must share this with people that know what it is like to be us. My parents were abusive and lacked any and all support for me. When I won a tri-state area competition for persuasive speaking I was told that second place was not good enough. She then took it and threw it in the trash. When I won a competition for a martial arts competition in El Paso she did the same thing. She refused to stand in a picture when i graduated and told everyone that she wished she had smothered me at birth. So to say that they did not support me was an understatement.  So my voice cracked as I read this.

The thing that matters however is that we found each other from across the ocean. From one continent to England I traveled to be with my love. Thanks to Second Life I took the chance to become We. Though there was no support it still happened. Feeling alone and not understanding a thing of what I was only that I did not fit in. That I was too damaged to be loved. Yet this happened.

So many of us I have met are lonely  and feeling alienated. Yet we still shine through as the beautiful indigo children that we are. That color has been our favorite since birth. Now upon waking we are fulfilled and happy and joyful and know our purpose. Through everything we found one another.

For those out there still feeling alone we will meditate to bring them home. To heal their wounds and to make them feel welcome. Through reaching out we will spread this word and help any we find in our path. Feeling alone is a terrible thing when you feel you do not even understand yourself. Yet here within this group and others like it there is hope.

Sometimes not sure what it is that makes the writing just flow and flow but we are the hope of the world. We love and forgive and hope and know that we have a purpose. All of us have a purpose to heal. To accept and love and share the blessings of these attributes and bring all of human consciousness to a higher vibration.

Within us is a seed a starseed of pure loving amazing light that glows and shines forth it's love and generosity of spirit. The path of love is filled with tremendous truths and freedom from fear. Let us spread this light to all the corners of the world. To show every living being kindness with our every movement. With every word we utter let us heal this world.

Love or Fear

Last night in my meditations I traveled up to what I call source. I saw this pure white light glowing softly and beautiful.I moved towards it. In the middle of it I saw geometric patterns forming white over white over and over and then something changed. A darkening  and dimming of the light began. I willed it gone and it exploded outwards and the light was even brighter than before. I was sitting on a white lotus in full bloom. It was my lotus blossom in my mind. I had watched it struggling to bloom. To shake of this crust it had on it and it kept flexing outwards and there it was glowing white. I sat in the middle of that blossom and returned back to earth. Before I returned to my body I saw many more people and beings sitting on their own flowers spinning in the air glowing with light. We held our hands out towards each other palm facing out. Palm to palm covering this world in a joyous light. It was hard because sometimes the light would dim but then it would return. To a final beautiful brightness. To an enlightening of the world slowly but surely healing the wounds and cleansing the greed and pain from the world. I cried  as I was meditating. When it was over I knew that my bloom had finally opened up fully. It was almost beyond words.

                                                                                

This world is in need of healing and joy. We need all of you to begin to meditate and radiate love and compassion and all things based in love. Fear is not something that we can spend time on any longer. There is Love and there is Fear. The question I ask myself is this. Where do my actions, feelings and movements spring from? Love or Fear?. When you think about it you will find the answer inside of you.*hugs* With much love and light.

Center yourself and sit quietly in a room where you feel comfortable. Using your mind visualize yourself moving upwards. Slowly into the light and adsorb and know that you are of the light itself and the light is you.This does not happen the first night nor the first week most of the time. But think of it like a muscle that you are working out. In time it gets stronger and you can use it more frequently. You will begin to see things in your mind's eye in time. Keep doing this and you will know what I speak. You must gather the light into yourself and then share it with the world and beyond.

                                                                   
The light it within and all around us. It can illuminate a whole room with a single tiny flame. If it is easier for you imagine a darkened room and you are the light and in time you will make the room pure white light and beautiful. There are several things that have helped me on this path. Drinking plenty of water. Eating a plant based diet. Meditation and walking. Listening to Solfeggio  frequencies. You can find many on you tube alone. They help you to awaken through vibrations the light within yourself.

                                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VG0zfyW3bI


Pick the love over the negativity. Find truth within your life and focus on everyone and everything on this planet and beyond. There is much joy to be found sharing the love within yourself. Bringing that light to the front and giving it to others can feel so freeing. You can fly freely and heal the wounds that you see within people. You can see the places where healing needs to be done.

                                                          

Star Seeds

How do you write something you have a difficult time understanding yourself ? I suppose you write it out and then look back and make sure that you accurately expressed the experience and then wait for some clarity. That is what I will have to do with this post. See there are somethings that have been on my mind. 

When I was a child I would look up at the sky as if I was expecting something to happen. I felt it should and that I was in the wrong place. I felt strange when I looked at my parents. I do not feel anything towards them now. When I was younger suffering through the abuse at their hands I would sometimes feel anger or unfairness at how I was treated. I have forgiven them and now moved on in life. But I always felt a bit like an alien. For lack of a better phrase. I remember my mother telling me of my birth. She had me very late in life. She was approximately forty two years old. She would say that I was a mistake and that I was an accident. Then she would follow those words with somethings that should not be said to a child. She said that she was me coming out of her body from above. She watched me come out of her and she said that I was born dead. That they had to bring me back to life. Once they did there I was in this world.

                                                                              

Growing up I felt fascination with snakes and nature and books. You would hardly ever see me without a book. My favorite time of the week was when I could go to the public library and get a bag of books and then go home and open and book and go away from this place. Using my imagination I often did. I would go off by myself and climb up on top of mountains. They looked like mountains to a child. Most likely a hill. I felt spirits since I was a child. There was a time when I was about four maybe five years old where I remember a black vehicle. I remember talking to someone but I cant remember who. I was dropped off at home but when I turned it was gone. All I knew was that I was in trouble for scaring my parents. But I didnt feel fear then not while speaking to this person, being, im not sure. I remember seeing paintings in the walls and tried to show my parents and they did not see them. They accused me of being a liar, but i was not lying.

I remember being put in a special class for children that disrupt the classes but I only did because I was very bored. I knew the lessons and wanted to do more. My partner feels like this as well. They tried to get us to conform but we did not appear able to do so. I remember coming up with ideas and then some months later someone would win some award for the concept etc. It was vaguely odd but it happens.

I feel peoples emotions and try to help them. There is this light I am drawn to again and now I am learning how to open myself to it. My partner and I both do this now.It is a difficult road to travel. But upon finding my other half it is us now and we walk together and experience this together. Having that has given me joy and love that was before unimaginable. Now it feels like my body is lighter somehow and my spirit is overflowing with LIGHT positive light and a need to bring smiles and hope and peace and joy to everyone that I can.The world needs this. People need this. Every living sentient being needs this right now. So every night when we meditate we see ourselves as shining stars that spread light all over touching everything and everyone that we can.

                                                                      

There are terms I am reading now and researching and becoming more aware of as time goes on that seem to explain much of how I have felt my whole life. It is thrilling and a little frightening at the same time. From my research I am what they call an Indigo Adult and a Starseed. This explains so much. But I do not want to focus on myself too much. This is fact here.

Moving on I know this. The world must return back to balance. There has to be a return to this. There will be and I believe that my husband, partner, soulmate and I chose this life despite the pain in order to witness the onset of this change. There must be a return to peace joy harmony and expression of self. Sharing of information and food as needed. Loving one another and remembering that all are one living being. Please I ask that you think positively. Calm yourself and look inside and find that light and know it. Make it grow. You will understand.

Learning and Loving

To My Peanut Butter Kitten


There you were a screen between us and yet I loved you.
Finally I see you in reality and I knew that I loved you

You knew you were taking in a broken girl into your heart and home
I knew that I would have to work hard to be worthy of your heart and home

The face of troubles show themselves from my past and I cannot prepare
Your face accepting despite the past troubles made me stop,take a breath,and care.

To see the hurt written and slashed on your delicate face.
The tears in response that glide down my cheeks mirror the look on your face.

Working diligently every day.Working hard making it stay at bay.
It is a test and difficult but for you I will scale the highest mountain to keep it at bay.

For you my peanut butter kitten to see your smile...
There is nothing I wouldn't do. Nothing that would keep me from seeing that smile.

You are the reason I get up in the morning despite the pain.
You are the one with whom I am glad and grateful to share the rain.

You give me the most peaceful hours I have ever known.
When you took my hand that first time and you called me your own.

I love you in ways that words would put to shame with their shortcomings
To dance and take your hand and smile. It makes me want to share my joys and sing.

There is no replacing you in my heart.
I would rather die than be apart.

You see the world through the same eyes as I do.The hidden and beautiful,you see too.
I would never choose to walk this world alone,take your hand and we can see through.

Through the uncertainties and sadness. the nightmares that linger on in my mind.
Through all of these things you stand there and never falter or leave me behind.

You deserve so many things that I cannot give you right now,a world filled with beauty
So each day I will do my best to give you a small portion of that world of beauty.

To see you save that wounded bee and giving me the inspiration to form a nest
A safe arbor for a lonely damaged bee to find comfort and rest

You did this!
You have given me hope!
You bless this world by simply existing and breathing!
You never lie and you are always so true and honest!
Within your eyes there is beauty and honesty and amazing passion!
I want to hold you love you so fiercely that you will understand how I feel!
Your a beautiful lotus bud!
Your hands are my salvation!
Your warmth is what I cling to in this barren place within my mind!
I do not deserve the compassion that you give to me.

But love know that there is nothing that is impossible so long as you are with me.
You make everything possible and a delight of fun and joy.With you I am free..
Words are so confounding at times I sit here and try to find and put together rhymes
To tell you the amazing touching safe and loving filled times..

Where you held me and said everything would be ok and I believe you.
You never lie
When you took my hand even though I raged inside and loved me regardless..
I do not deserve you..
Why you love me and help me when I stumble and fall, I just do not know.
But I will spend the rest of my life striving to be deserving of someone as beautiful as you.

 

                                                                    

 

 

Whenever  people look and see themselves as they truly are sometimes they cry. Sometimes they smile and are happy. Sometimes they hang their head in shame. I sometimes do all of those things. Yet we get over it we move on and we learn from it. You simply must learn from your mistakes and share and send love into this world. You cannot blame yourself nor hold onto the guilt of things you might have done or things you did and regret. You have to be like water and find a way to move forward and on..in life. There are many paths and no real barriers that you cannot overcome in time.

There will come to you people in your path. Some of them are there to help you learn. To help you grow and to understand yourself better. Sometimes this can be in the form of something positive or sometimes something negative. But you learn from it anyway. You learn and move forward.

Some people come into your life damaged and they complain and you see the problems and you offer advice. You offer advice and you watch to see if they need more help. But there will come a time when you can no longer help that person. They have to be willing to stand up and make a change in their life with the help you have offered or there is nothing more that can be done. You simply wish them well and always remain nearby but you cannot help someone who will not help themselves. 

The joy of life well there are so many. But what I would suggest is to think of how you speak. Do you speak in words of love and compassion? Or do the words like *hate* *can't* *won't* seem to sprinkle themselves liberally into your daily conversations? I would stop saying such negative things over time. Try to learn to be more positive and learn more compassionate ways to live and to be in your life. Help others and do not expect anything in return. Be a human being that others wish to be like. Live your own way and be yourself. Love others even if they seem incapable of it themselves. Give to others when you can. Give a kind word and help to heal someone. You do not ever hate something. You may dislike it all you want but never hate something. There was a quote and it says.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.   Buddha

I ask others to be more considerate and to try to put yourself into the shoes of the person you dislike and try to understand it more. You may not succeed and this can happen. But if you do not try at all then what have you gained? I think that people should breathe a little more and listen rather than talk without thinking.

                                                             

 You know I post responses on facebook sometimes where I will wish people love and compassion. Peace and contentment and they think I have insulted them. It is very strange to me. But I will continue to post things like that because the simple truth is that this world needs more of those things.A gentle word of love and caring goes a long way towards healing the world. We are all connected like it or not. We all should be more understanding and try to find positive ways to resolve differences. It is not an easy path at first but over time you realize that being calm and filled with love can be one of the most fulfilling things in the world. 

Remembering Who You Really Are

To the world may you find easier steps towards the things that bring you closer towards the light. May you find rest among the place where you choose to lay your head down. May your dreams be filled with wonderful things. I wish you love and peace and compassion for your fellow man and all fellow animals. May you be able to learn more everyday of what it is to be a truly positive and beautiful example of what human beings can be. In love light and peace I write this. Namaste.